Perhaps, the questions I get asked the most revolve around being a housewife. Some questions are about the specifics on "How" I'm a housewife, specifically how we're able to afford it. I get a lot of questions about the "Why" why I'm a housewife. But most often I get asked about how I get treated when I tell people I'm a housewife.
I've never addressed the "Housewife" question before, for two reasons:
1) This quote always speaks loudly for me "Don't explain yourself, your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe it [anyway]."
2) I really believe that we should all create the life we want and I in NO way want to perpetuate the idea working wives and mothers are doing something wrong. Let me state for the record "I don't believe that Housewives are better then working moms, and I don't believe working moms are better then stay at home moms!" We are all equal, we are all different! Phew!
Here's the How. We're able to have me at home strictly through sacrifice. We don't drive brand new cars, we don't have huge t.v.'s, I don't often get my nails done, Lee doesn't own the newest and latest technology. We just do without some of the extras (extras add UP).
Here's the WHY. It's what I've always wanted to do. I have always loved, decorating, and baking, cooking, and if you ask my mother I was the only one in our family who cleaned "properly" (except for her). She use to joke that when my dad and sister cleaned, they'd just push the dirt around! haha
Home is where my passion is, and just like I would never tell someone who had a passion for teaching, not to be a teacher. I fully expect that no one should tell me not to be a housewife.
The emails I get the most, are from other housewives, who want to know how I deal with the question "what do you do?" and how I deal with opposing views.
Honestly I just say "Housewife" and move on . . . sometimes people want more of an explanation, sometimes they're happy with the answer, and sometimes I get , "what, seriously". I get some comments from family, some comments from friends, a few negative comments on the internet. But this is one area where negative comments don't bother me, I found this quote, it sums it up perfectly:
What I find interesting is that if someone asked me what I do and I said "Personal Chef" or "Personal Assistant" or "Housekeeper"or "Personal Shopper" or a myriad of other professions. People would say oh great . . . but if I do ALL of them then I get "oh, just a housewife".
What I'm trying to say is: That Lee may bring home the bacon, but I'm the one who cooks it!! :) haha
Lots of Love to all the wives out there, at home or at work, Love ya!
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I felt so great reading your post! I, through personal experience on both sides, found that being a housewife is more difficult - when you are working for somebody or studying, you follow the schedule, you have some kind of a plan etc. When you are a housewife, you are your own boss and it's hard (very difficult to believe:(), but it is much harder to be organized when it's all up to you.
ReplyDeleteI think what matters the most is that your husband supports you. Besides you are not "just a housewife", you are also a great blogger! Happy Blog-Birthday again!
http://curlijuli.blogspot.com/
I love this post - I would absolutely be a housewife if there was any way for us to do it financially, but it's just not in the cards for me. I think your attitude about the reactions from others is great - all that matters is that you and your husband are happy!
ReplyDeleteJust recently found your blog and I love it! I love the two quotes you cited. I need to take those to heart. I'm a stay at home mom now and I always find myself saying "I'm a stay at home mom but I want to find some sort of part time work too." I have two degrees and live in a very educated area and I feel like I'm "supposed" to be working too. But I absolutely love being home for my baby girl right now and wouldn't trade it for anything. Next time I'm just going to say, stay at home mom! Your blog is inspiring me to keep my house a little better. Of course it's a little harder squeezing that kind of stuff into naptime but I'll aspire to it! Thanks for the great post about being yourself and following your passions.
ReplyDeleteVery well said!!
ReplyDeleteLove your blog and the quotes, thanks!
ReplyDeleteI love that you don't feel the need to justify why you stay home - it just works for you and your husband! I am a SAHM and I can relate:)
ReplyDeleteGood for you for being proud of being a housewife! Nothing wrong with that if that's your passion. Honestly, I can't wait for the day when I can be a stay at home mom/housewife (I don't have kids yet), maybe in 5 years.
ReplyDeleteBut you said it perfectly with "the more you love your decisions, the less you need others to love them"!
Excellent post! I'm a very satisfied housewife also. Love the quotes!!
ReplyDeleteVery well put! Oh and your video was great, you obviously take pride in your beautiful home.
ReplyDeleteVery well said- it's a shame that homemakers feel a need to explain themselves. I doubt there are many women staying home, lounging on the sofa eating bonbons but I am sure that's the image that many have- and thus the reaction when one says they stay at home.
ReplyDeleteWe decided that I would stay home when my son was born and then it evolved into homeschooling our children. We couldn't be happier about our choice but when asked what I do, after I respond, I always feel the need to add that I homeschool the kids. I feel a need to justify our choice- so I appreciate your comments. It's our choice, why do I need to justify a personal choice to strangers?
We manage financially much the same way that you do- older cars, few perks, no vacation (I know this is unheard of for many) but we have no regrets.
Thanks for an excellent post!
It takes a certain kind of strength to love the decisions you've made even in the face of negativity. I want to cheer for your strength, it's an inspiration.
ReplyDeleteI love it. Good for you for following your passion regardless of what other people think! You are an inspiration!
ReplyDeleteYou said all of this very well. I don't have kids, and I do work, & I may or may not stop working once I do have kids. I'm undecided on that. I imagine that the hardest part of being a housewife would be the telling other when they ask what you do. I wish that the term for housewife could be something else. I feel like the term implies that you're just the wife, serving the husband... I feel like if it was a different term, like the ones you used, the reactions housewives received might be better.
ReplyDeleteI shared this on FB! Great post and I'm here cheering you on (as well as myself!)
ReplyDeleteAwesome!!! Thank you so much!
DeleteAshli
Excellent answer! I second all the positive comments made thus far. You go girl! :o)
ReplyDeleteI am blessed to be a housewife/stay at home mom too. I agree that it usually means happily sacrificing a lot of things that a two-income family may have, but I would not trade places with anyone. I love being home for my husband and my kids. I love knowing that it helps our lives run smoother. I'm always happy to hear from other people who are similarly fulfilled!
ReplyDeleteThis is excellent, good for you! I'm a stay at home mom but if I ever had had the choice I would have lovvveeddd to be a housewife! Nothing pleases me more than having a clean, well decorated house and I love crafting! Sadly I can't keep my house up as much as I would like due to my kids but that's life. It's amazing you are able to have this opportunity! :)
ReplyDeleteGreat post! My work is a bit different and I get a lot of blank stares too. I try not to let it bother me, but sometimes I just can't help but let it get me down. Thank you for the reminder that I'm right where I should be, doing exactly what I should be doing. Cheers.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I love your blog. I wish that my husband and I could afford for me to be a stay at home mom and housewife, but we can't. I'm a smidge jealous but I'm very happy for you! :-)
ReplyDeleteProud of you for sharing this! I have been a housewife and the chores are not easy! There is always something to be done. I love your "job" and the fact that you are doing what makes your heart sing. That is a true woman to me!
ReplyDeleteThis was an excellent post. I'm a SAHM for almost 20 years now and I love it. I like your quotes and will be using them as well.
ReplyDeleteKristina
Ashli,
ReplyDeleteYou have become not only my favorite blog of all time, but you have become an inspiration to me. I like many other women have always felt the need to justify or explain or even defend my decision to be be a SAHM. But after reading your blog today and the great quotes you listed, my heart has been lifted to a new sense of pride. I am educated and degreed (again forgive me if that's not a word) and have worked before but I had three kids and I live in New York City where it's just not cost effective for me to spend that kind of money in day care. So from today on because of you, I will embrace being a SAHM and love myself just a little more. You have a great gift and I know that in the future you will be blessed and be able to expand that "Housewife" title of yours and share all your pride and passion not only with Lee and Max but with all the other great joys to come. Thank you so much for your blog and for sharing your life with us. And even that what you do deserves the respect from all.
Thanks
Racquel
I was a housewife before becoming a stay at home mom and I have always felt the need to explain why I don't work or why I haven't found work now and put my child in daycare yet. It has always made me feel bad. Most on my side of the family get it, except my sister who is a educated person who always makes me feel bad every time I see her because she doesn't understand why I don't want to spoil my kids rotten and work so I can have the finer things in life. My finances half of the family doesn't understand at all and I gave up on that one.
ReplyDeleteI love staying at home, having my house organized, cleaning, messing it up for projects, budgeting (sometimes this ones REAL tough), cooking and meal planning. I love spending time with my son and us being on our own schedule. I wouldn't trade it for the world and I need to remember that I, like you don't need to explain myself to anyone!
I am glad you are proud to be a housewife, but... do you ever consider yourself/want to be a professional blogger? I love this blog. I've been following awhile and watching it grow, so I'd just like to know (without prying too much, because bloggers deserve some privacy too!) if you see this as a potential source of income or if you're not as in to the business side of things. :)
ReplyDeleteI love this post... I needed it. I have been berated because I do stay home. I have three kids - 24, 14 and 5. When the oldest was little up until my middle child was born, I worked full time. Since my middle child was born, I have been home. We go without a lot. But, I really don't miss much of it. What does get to me are the comments. I have spent the last 14 years defending our decision, from neighbors, in laws, friends and people you meet out and about. Thing is, I LOVE being home for my kids. Being home and having dinner ready (most of the time ;) ). My house is not as clean since the 5 yr. old came around. But, he is a whirling dervish! A good boy, but man is he busy! He goes to school in the fall. So, I would much prefer to spend my last bit of time with him. Anyway... all this to say, thank you. You have made me feel better. I needed this post a few weeks ago, when my neighbor was putting me down because I have been home for so long. Or when she put a comment on her facebook page that she can't wait to get back to work in Sept. (she just had child #2). That everyone should work like her and only two income families can go on vacation. I don't know why, but I let it get to me. Oh, and your home is beautiful! I had the floor plan figured out from all the photos. It was still so much fun seeing it through the video. I am glad you decided to start this little ole blog. I love it! Thank you for all the inspiration.
ReplyDeleteLove this, Ashli!
ReplyDeleteI believe that choosing to be a housewife or SAHM is just like any other "career" one would choose. It's about following YOUR passion, not following a path that others think you should. It's a personal choice between you and your spouse and what works best for your family, not someone else's- and if that means one spouse (wife OR husband) "brings home the bacon" while the other "cooks it", by all means, GO FOR IT and take pride in it! I love that you have decided that you don't need to justify yourself to others =) My husband and I both work full-time right now but, I pray that someday, I'll be able to cut back to at least part time once we have kids- I, like you, have a passion for my family and my home above all else, we just haven't been able to make that priority yet. Happy Blogiversary!
Oh how I needed to read this!!!! AMEN, Sister!!!! I don't want to have to feel the need to justify being who I am! This helps.
ReplyDeleteThanks a million for your words and wonderful blog! Your blog is the first I read each weekday morning.
Joy in Texas
One thing I love about your blog is your honesty and personaility. I've never understood how people (mostly internet strangers) can have such a strong opinion on someone's life that they feel the need to leave nasty comments or send emails. I don't think anyone, no matter what they do, should have to explain in detail why they decided to do that. As long as you and Lee are on the same page and you support each other that is all that matters. I think its awesome that you are a housewife. I think its great to see a couple "scarfice" the extras - I mean really, do we ever need these extras. Keep doing what you do as long as it makes you happy!!
ReplyDeleteGood for you for not letting others negativity get you down! I'm glad you love it, in fact, I wish I could be more like you and be happy in that role. I'm hoping someday when I have children (because I want to be a SAHM at least while my children are little) it'll be easier for me. For now, not being able to find a job and being forced to spend my time at home drives me crazy after awhile. You are lucky to have found your passion. :)
ReplyDeleteThis topic really hits home. I'm a much maligned housewife too. I won't say it was out of choice, really, but out of necessity. I developed health issues and can't work outside the home. I've been berated by family, friends, and those who don't know a thing about me (and really, why would I be obligated to fill them in, anymore than they are obligated to tell me what their household income is?).
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I think it was Erma Bombeck who said (and I'm paraphrasing here) "Housework, when done properly, can kill you!". So health issues or not, I work my butt off w/ the cooking and cleaning, gardening, etc. etc. as I am sure you do. The truth is, though, if you are not a part of the labour force (the formal "out there" labout force) then you are looked down upon. I have been, for years and it hasn't changed. So I can really relate to you, Ashli. I'm glad that you are more comfy with it though. I tend to still have a bit of a complex.
Hello there! I found you via Home to Three Duncan / LaKeitha on FB WOW! You're right your real friends don't need an explanation and the enemies won't believe it. So why bother?
ReplyDeleteYou go girl! If I could stay home right now I would, because to me making our home feel like a home is where I get the most satisfaction in my life. We don't have kids yet, but I'm hoping that by the time we get there I'll be able to step out of the office and into the home, where I want to be.
ReplyDeleteDon't ever let people think that what you want to do isn't the right thing for you. I find that 90% of people's rude comments are in fact rooted in jealousy or other things in their life that have absolutely nothing to do with the fact that YOU are living the life you want to.
So kudos to you (and Lee!) for being able to find a way to make your home the way you want it. And thank you for always sharing your decorating/cooking/baking adventures. I love reading it every day...on my lunch break at work!...wishing I was at home making my home just as lovely as yours :)
Wonderfully said! I'm the only one out of our circle of friends who has decided to stay home with our children and take care of our home. I feel like everytime were out they make "diggs" at me and my decision. Next time, I will say your quote in my head and let it roll right off.
ReplyDeleteI've been on both sides and I currently work outside the home. I work not by choice but necessity. We don't have all the fancies either. I work to help provide in these hard economic times but I would gladly give up my job to tend to the loving work of taking care of my home and family, volunteering and so much more. I'm working on that goal and hopefully some day soon I'll be able to stay home and care for my home and family the way I should.
ReplyDeleteYou are blessed to be able to stay home. So happy for you that you love your decision.
Blessings,
Marie
I am a teacher so right now I am off for the next few months. Hubby just keeps gushing about how happy I am, how calm the evenings are, how clean everything is and how he doesn't feel like he will have to come home and help he can come home and relax. It's kind of a struggle because I LOOOOOOOVE teaching and I can't wait to get back in the classroom, but we both see the benefit of having a stay at home wife- it even removes a lot of the stress in our marriage.
ReplyDeleteI'm a graphic designer by profession, I'm not married and probably will never be a housewife. But I absolutely LOVE that your reason for being one is that you "always wanted to be."
ReplyDeleteIn my experience, most people tend to make an apology about it, or some kind of value judgement about it. Like: "oh, it's because I believe children should have a stay at home parent," or "the economy is tough, and we're just doing this for a while" or something.
I'd never say: "Oh well, since I had all this art stuff around and since this is what I could afford, I am a graphic designer for now."
One: no one would ever hire me if I said that, and Two: I decided to be a designer because I wanted to do it. Just like any one else chooses their profession because they've always wanted to do it (well, hopefully.)
So rock on, housewife, rock on.
Thanks SO much for this post. I struggled with my decision to be a stay-at-home-wife for a long time... but like you this is what makes me/us happy, this is my passion, its all I've ever wanted. The question "What do you do?" is part of first-introductions, right after "hello". I hate it, it's rude. We (yes, even my husband) get funny looks and questions when we tell them I stay at home (without kids). I have to remember these quotes. Thanks again, and keep up the great work on your blog, your passion for home shows and it keeps me coming back to read and reread!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for posting this!! It really really hits home for me and is one of the reasons why I love your blog. I will be finishing my Masters degree in 2 days and then plan on being a housewife. It something that I am really passionate about and really want to do. It is also something that gives me a lot of fear. There are a lot of uncertanties (but I guess that's true with everything in life) and judgments about being a housewife. It is hurtful when people look down on me because I want to be a housewife (you should see the looks I get from some of my classmates.) I am a very driven individual, my education was not "wasted", and I plan to do many things (ie. start an etsy shop and blog and help us life a more sustainable life) as a housewife. I think being a housewife is something to be proud of and not looked down upon. (I also think working is something to be proud of if that is what you want to do!) So thank you for making me feel stronger about my decision and confident about being a housewife!!!
ReplyDeleteAmen! You are so right Ashli...follow you passion in life. So many choose careers and such, for money and are miserable! My momma always told us she didn't care what we did (meaning career) as long as we were happy and felt satisfied at the end of the day.
ReplyDeleteI can add another question to the mix...the one I get is, "where did you go to college?" I went to one semester of Nursing School (my mom was a nurse, my grandmas was a nurse, I thought I wanted to be a nurse). It wasn't for me. I got out, went to work, met my sweet hubby and well, as they say the rest is history. I worked the first year of our marriage, but once I had our oldest I stayed home. For US it made the most sense financially. I have had a few part time jobs in between (mostly teaching preschool while the girls were in school). And, now the question I get since our youngest will leave for college in the fall is "what are you going to DO now that the girls are gone?" Yes, I was a SAHM for 22 years...but truth be told...I didn't let that define me. Contrary to what a lot of people think...I do have other interests! LOL Believe me, I have a very lengthy list of things I would like to do come fall.
I have always admired women regardless of their choices, whether it be working in a phenomenal field, being a sham, a housewife...we were all given very different gifts and talents-it would be a shame to waste them.
I read something a long time ago as well-if you added up what it would cost to "hire" someone to do the various jobs of a sahm or a housewife...most would be making 6 figure incomes and be employed as CEOs!
Bottom line-don't ever apologize for being yourself and don't be afraid to be yourself. Your quotes are perfect!!
I think your posts this week are going to make you famous! :-) Lots of Love! ~Michelle (Boston)
ReplyDeleteAw the dreaded "so what do you do?" question - I have learned to loathe it. I love staying home, I love cleaning and cooking and doing all those kinds of things. My husband is happy for me to stay at home, but he's "super-supportive man" so if I suddenly wanted to develop a career as a professional rodeo clown he would probably support that as well. But the reason I hate the question so much is that upon finding out that I'm a housewife their next question is "so how many kids do you have?" and when I answer none they suddenly look at me like I am plague-ridden, like how dare I stay at home if I don't have children too look after. Or they comment on how "easy everything must be", no I actually am pretty damn busy every day thank you very much. It's really frustrating, I shouldn't have to justify my life to people but somehow I always end up feeling like I have to.
ReplyDeleteI don't think there's anything wrong with being a housewife. I have the same passion you do, but unfortnately when my BF and I get married we can't at all afford to live on just his paycheck (I make more.) so, instead I get to move my passion to graphic design and marketing during the day. so more props to you for doing what you do!!! :o)
ReplyDeleteGood for you! It's weird that people require more of an explanation. I'm always impressed/jealous when I hear it.
ReplyDeleteI live in the lower mainland too, and it's expensive here. I'm hoping one day to stay home, you shouldn't have to explain yourself. It's awesome, and if people (especially women) give you flack, its because they are jealous.
That's the TRUTH
:)
I too get this question a lot and for years it offended me for I felt judged. But your quote says it wonderfully, actually your whole post does!
ReplyDeleteTo each his own!
Amen to this Ashli! I LOVE your blog, I’ve been following it for a while but haven’t commented before. I think you’re the best and I 100% think you’re doing amazing things for women everywhere. I have friends who are SAHMs, friends who work part-time, and friends who work full-time in “high” and “low” profile jobs, some with kids and some without. I love all of them and respect what they do, and support them making whatever choice it is that is best for them and the people they prioritize in their life! I think one of the biggest lies of our parents generation’s brand of feminism is this idea that women free to choose whatever lifestyle they want as long as they’re not housewives. Hold up! That isn’t freedom, that’s just moving the forced choice from only being allowed to be a housewife to only being allowed to work. I’ve really been noticing that our generation is more open to being balanced, to choosing what is best for us, and to changing that if it stops working in the future. That’s the kind of feminism I embrace, the true kind that respects these important decisions I make without judgment.
ReplyDeleteI just finished my graduate degree in Science and I’m heading to med school in the Fall. I’m going to be a physician – and someday I may want to take a year off, or I may want to stop working outside the home and work inside the home instead as a housewife, or maybe I’ll want to do that if we’re able/when we have kids, or maybe I’ll want to go back to work right away because I miss it, or maybe some other situation I haven’t thought of yet! I’m doing this career because at the end of the day, I love it and I’m passionate about it, and if that changes then I’m going to reevaluate to make the best choice for me and the people I prioritize. I think you are phenomenal Ashli – you’re doing just that, what you love, and NO ONE should ever, ever, ever judge your choices. I am proud that people like you exist in Canada as an example to the world of pursuing the best thing for you and the people you prioritize. Keep blogging and consider me a devoted blog follower!
M you've taken the words right out of my mouth! I think there are an awful lot of miserable women out there who were taught that being a feminist meant rejecting the home and that they must work outside of it in order to be worthy. Good luck in med school and following your passions. Sounds to me like you're going to make a great doctor, wife, mother and housewife or kite flyer if that's what your calling is! And thank you to Ashli reminding us that we don't need to defend our choices to anyone if that is what works for us!
Delete~Wendy, mom, BA, part time MOA and a stellar thirty year career in Crohn's Disease!
to everyone that has ever had to apologize for following their heart - i am so sorry for that! noone should EVER have to apologize for that. i've come to learn that most people that act like that are mostly jealous, not that it makes it any easier to digest. i will say i would absolutely luv to be a housewife/stay at home mom. it's all i've ever wanted to be, even as a child when people would ask me what i wanted to be and i would answer "A wife and a momma!" and they would portray the same attitude. I think it is one of the most noble and honorable jobs one could have. and ashli - i do luv your last quote - i need to imprint it onto my heart! thanks for sharing a great post.
ReplyDeleteI've been following your post for a while and all I can say about this particular post is simply- wow. Bravo! I have struggled (continue) with the mere fact that this career gal, now mum, has her heart at home. I would LOVE to be a housewife. I know we can afford to do so, but the thought of having explain myself unmotivated me to do so. I will need to revisit this again. You've given me the courage to consider this possibility. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
ReplyDeleteLove it! Love you! Love your blog! I wish you were my neighbor or BFF! :-D
ReplyDeleteI have always felt the same as you, I was meant to tend house and raise kids. Neither has really happened that way for me. We live in a more expensive area, and though we do without for a lot of the extras, it would not be feasible for me to stay at home right now. We are planning to have kids in the next few years, and since my husband already works from home, he will be a WAHD. Is this my ideal? No, but sometimes we have to make do. I am hoping that once we have the kids and save up some money, I could switch to part time work or WAHM.
Keep on keepin on! And those naysayers are just jealous biotches! ;-)
Love your post. Between you and I and whomever that reads this comment; I've always wanted to be like June Cleaver. I absolutely love looking after the kiddos, cooking, cleaning and whatever goes with. About 13yrs ago I was a SAHM temporarily for 1 1/2 yrs to purposely raise our 1st daughter full time and believe me I got a few negative comments. Now I'm a recent WAHM who just lost her contract with the company I was working with so now I'm looking to do something else. The thought in the back of my mind of what I did 12.5 to 13yrs ago is still with me though and has never gone away. I want that life back but I don't know how to talk to hubby about it, we'll have to see how things work out. Cheers to you. Love your blog and all that you do.
ReplyDeleteI love your blog...it's one of my daily reads...and your gorgeous house. I'm actually a bit relieved to read this post. I've read all your posts on cleaning/housekeeping and, honestly, your daily cleaning routine is so overwhelming to me. I knew you didn't have kids, but I assumed that you worked outside the home and for the life of me couldn't figure out how you got it all done! {Granted, I have two kids under the age of 6 and a dog, so most days true "cleaning" is more like attempting to shovel snow in a blizzard!} Whew, to find out that you're a housewife and *that's* the reason your house is super organized and clean and adorable makes me feel so much better. :) P.S.--Truthfully, I've never heard of anyone being a housewife {besides reality TV, of course} without kids...the whole concept is quite new to me. I think you are brave for sharing.
ReplyDeleteWow.. I love this post. Especially the quote. And especially since I just joined the Housewife League today. My friend calls it 'Domestic Engineer'. No kids yet and still learning the 'HOW': how to cook, bake, manage with one income. You are my inspiration!
ReplyDeleteI cant believe people ask you those personal questions! Your right, you dont need to answer to anyone and I guess some people feel the need to live their life through others. Personally Id call you a 'domestic godess' rather than 'housewife' :) I always enjoy reading your blog, it was one of the first I ever followed. Keep up the great posts x
ReplyDeleteYou go girl :)
ReplyDeleteSo well said my friend! Kudos to you for being able to do what you love. You do it well! :)
ReplyDeletexoxo,
Jen
Great post! I have been reading your blog for a while but have never commented before. I have recently joined the ranks of housewives and absolutely love it! I have a PhD but during my years in science I became more and more aware that to me time is worth more than the perks a two-income family can enjoy. I am almost 30 now, I want time to enjoy hobbies, pets and babies not more stuff or a bigger house or more holidays. Luckily hubby agrees :) People do judge but as you said, the more you love your decisions, the less you need approval from others.
ReplyDeleteLisa x
Loves it!!! I care for my Dad and brother who are both handicapped. I make crafts for a couple craft fairs a year which helps a little but certainly doesn't pay a lot of bills. I get family, friends, and people ask me what I do and or why I don't have a job. Often it upsets me because I think the people who are supposed to care about me should have the sense God gave them to realize how hard it is to not just have 1 person but 2 people to care for. If I got a minimum wage job, I'd make $10 an hour, a home care worker gets $12.75 starting here so how would I make any money if I had a job and had to pay someone to come into the house to watch my dad and brother. I get pissed off when other people are just rude. There is a difference when someone casually asks about your occupation to when they use an accusing tone. The accusing tone usually gets a snarky/funny remark back from me these days. I usually state that it is too hard to be this cool on a daily basis. Most people don't know what to say and go on about their business. If they continue and make me feel uncomfortable I get a dig in and say, "Wow, I didn't know you went to college. You didn't seem like the type to be educated." I either get a death threat or they move on and never open their lips again which is fine by me.
ReplyDeleteI've read your blog for a long time now but never commented (guess I'm shy that way) :) I felt the need to say thank you so much for this post. You're so right, it's so silly that others make us feel bad for the choices that we know are right for us. I feel called to stay home with my son, even though he's in school now. The truth is, I would feel called to stay home even if we didn't have a child. It's what I feel I was meant to do and just because I don't technically get paid for it doesn't mean I'm any less worthy of respect or that my degree was a waste. That quote (and your post) made my day and is going to be my new mantra!
ReplyDeleteThis is my first comment on your blog and I would like to start by saying, I too share your passion for the home-arts ( It is art when it is done well ). I love walking into my front door and seeing everything in it's place. I can spend hours pottering around and I consider cleaning my house from top to bottom, meditation. I have just completed a major year-long renovation and still get a kick from looking around at all my hard work. However, ( you knew it was coming ) I work outside the home Mon to Fri and I am a single-mother to one teenager, therefore my daily dose of your blog is an absolute necessity. I do love my job and all the benefits that come from it but I feel just as strongly ( probably more ) for my home and all that it entails. Keep up your great work from this part-time housewife from Sydney, Australia - LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog and wished I was your neighbour !
ReplyDeleteReading this post and through some of the comments is such a relief to know there are other women out there just like me who stay home and don't have children. There is no worse feeling than being asked "What do you do?" when meeting new people and the looks and questions. It is an automatic assumption I must be lazy because I don't work outside the home. I'm far from it and I keep very busy! My husband and I are very content with our lives together. With him being in the military and us moving every few years we sort of settled into this routine and we're both so happy. There should be no guilt associated with doing what you love so thank you for this post.
ReplyDeleteAmen sister, amen! I get this question all the time too and sometimes end up feeling guilty about my choice even though it's where my heart longs to be. I'm going to print out your quote and put some place that I can see it every day!
ReplyDeleteMany Blessings,
M.
I loved this post. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting this. You made me feel good. I am a housewife as well for now. I have worked before and I have a career but for now I am a housewife. I know how you feel and I know what you mean with this post because that happens to me a LOT. People are so involved in criticizing others no matter it is NOT their business. I have had to tolerate people (including in my husband's side) asking me if I work, why I don't work, telling me there are jobs out there and I need to look for them, etc. I just say to myself: "I pay my share of the bills even when I don't work. My husband pays his half. The house is mine because I bought it. I have saved money to continue paying for my bills. We don't live out of our needs; we have what we need and we are happy. No one else gives me money, so what gives them the right to talk about me being a housewife as if it is something bad?" Housewifes are NOT less than a woman that works for living. We are NOT less intelligent.
ReplyDeleteThis used to bother me a lot, now not that much. I guess I am getting used to it. Just hearing people say: "Oh, you are JUST a housewife."
And last but not least, to put some humor to my day when that happens to me I say:
ReplyDelete"I am sorry for all the bitter women out there who question a housewife's life and who criticize so much. I am sorry that you have to work to live. I don't. Don't hate me. lol"
Thank you so much for this post. As a stay at home wife without children, I needed this. Just this morning a friend told me that she wishes that she could stay home, sleep in and watch tv all day long too...it took me a few seconds to figure out that this was her description of a stay at home wife. I have been mulling over that comment all day, and after reading your post, I realized that when you are truly called to be a stay at home wife, you definitely do not sleep in, and watch tv all day, but then that is why it works for us and not for those who think this is the job description of a stay at homer. Thanks again for the courage to write this post - it was just what I needed!
ReplyDeleteGreat post!! I would love to be a housewife and hopefully soon a stay at home mom, hiehie, here in South Africa they call housewifes - Home Executives ;-)
ReplyDeleteMy MIL is a HE and she has been sinces she left work for her babies, and you know, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, my MIL makes the bestest of best food. She is also always there for us when we need her, which is not something that is always possible when you work full time.
I think if I cannot be a SAHM, I would love to only have a half day job, time with family and your children is so important, money cannot buy time.
I love your blog, but very rarely comment, sorry, I'm a stalker ;-) You have a beautiful home and I just love little Max. xx
I realize I'm like a good month+ late replying to this post, but I wanted to comment a few things. I stumbled upon your blog randomly a while back and follow it off and on when I remember. And honestly, I think this blog has changed my view a lot about stay-at-home wives. Based on where I had been coming from (as someone who works full time with a fiance who I live with who works full time), we still had to do all of the things you do too. So I think that is why a SAHW gets a bit of flack is because "career women" (for lack of a more apt term) think that what you do is comparable with what we do in our non-working time.
ReplyDeleteHowever, what I learned from you is that your house is way cleaner than mine. And way more organized. And all of your plants are alive. And your house looks great. So you and I aren't putting in the same amount of work. But the other point is that you like what you do, and you make it work in a financial aspect, so really it all comes down to what your own personal priorities are in life and how you make them work. And women in general just need to quit judging each other for everything and start being supportive. So you have my support :) And I will continue to thief your ideas on organization for my Saturday projects to help make my own situation run a bit more smoothly!
Amanda You're so kind!
Deleteand I totally agree, we all should just stop judging each other and start being supportive!!!! I love it!
Lots of Love
Ashli
I just stumbled upon your blog on Pinterest today and I am so very thankful for it. Thank you for this post. I am a stay at home mom/housewife and I get pressure from family and friends to go back to work as I'd be much more useful bringing in an income... Thank you for helping to bring my confidence up again and helping me to see I'm not the only one who feels this way!
ReplyDeleteThis blog is amazing! I feel so liberated reading this post because its hard to find like minded women who actually WANT to stay at home out of choice to look after their home, and family. I am currently working full time as is my husband but hope to be a SAHM when we have kids. I know and recognise that being a good house wife or 'Home executive' is hard work. I have always thought that by being a housewife I wouldnt be pulling my weight, but now realise that both of us will have a role, one will be paid and one unpaid but its still a 'job' and to me a very satisfying and valuable one.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love this blog. Its made me feel more confident about being a SAHM in the future (currently in a full time job as is my husband) but would love the idea of making a house a home and being there full time for the kids when we have them. Its inspiring to know there are other women doing the same. I realise now that we will both be doing 'jobs' then - one that helps the home from outside and one that helps it from inside :)
ReplyDelete